Why Did I Start This Blog?

There comes a time when a person abandons (or simply decides to press pause, I hope) a project because it becomes a source of “work” or dread. It’s not because they’re not grateful and it’s not because they don’t like the way the quality the project holds. The reason this happens is because they feel like they’re either not progressing, even if they are, or they feel like things aren’t happening fast enough.

I had a goal in mind. I wanted to share my passion. I wanted to teach. I didn’t want to write “how-to’s”, but I wanted to share my knowledge through opinion and discussion.

Somewhere in the midst of writing and somewhere in the midst of producing the podcast, I began to make things out bigger than they were supposed to be. I began to see writing blog posts not as a joy or a form of expression, but as something that people depended on and something that I had to get absolutely perfect every single time or it was worth nothing. This lead to me dreading doing the work. This led to me seeing writing a blog post or editing a podcast episode as “completing a task”.

I got so wrapped up in my own head thinking about how to make things just the right way or getting in just the right mood to do this when what I should have been worrying about is whether this is me. I should have been focused on projecting myself in a genuine way. I should have been focused on pure expression rather than upping the ante and introducing an external source of pressure. There are times when I sit down to do the thing I want to do and it never gets done because I find some way to waste time until it’s time for me to go to sleep, and then I forget all about it.

It’s not that I don’t want to produce the podcast, and it’s not that I don’t want to write a blog post. It’s not that I don’t want to please the small but appreciated audience that I’ve garnered. It’s just that I’m so terribly afraid to fail or produce something that someone doesn’t like that I’ve crippled my sense of being in terms of open expression. I’ve manufactured pressure from a reality that only existed within my brain. I don’t want to beat myself up about this so I’m going to make a promise to myself and to those who want to see me succeed or who appreciate what I’ve produced so far.

I promise to be true to myself, I promise to put my genuine identity into the content that I produce and I promise to be proud of it.

Yes, this may seem out of nowhere as I’ve been active on social media, but it’s been something I’ve been struggling to understand for a while. This isn’t the first project I’ve left in the dust to perish away and lose momentum. I’ve done it before and every day that I delay and don’t produce something, I’ve punished myself for it. I need to stop that. Again, it’s just not healthy.

Thank you for reading, your attention is greatly appreciated, you amazing person.

2 Comments Posted

  1. Brandon,

    This is by far one of the most sincere blog posts that I have had the opportunity of reading.

    I cannot express how many times I’ve felt the need to change my schedule or refrain from doing something that I know I would have enjoyed, simply because a task or project a hand needed to be completed and it absolutely needed to be perfect, or at least what my idea of perfect was, or it needed to go a certain way. Many times we visualize the ideal solution in our head and when our idea is presented in this dimension, in real life, and it doesn’t work exactly as planned, we are unable to drop it and continue living our lives without blaming ourselves or overthinking “what if i had done it this way”.

    It goes to show that sometimes your passion for something you love(d) can become something you no longer feel passionate about. Then we have to take a step back sometimes and remember that we’re becoming part of a world that is much faster paced than any one person can try to keep up with. We have become accustomed to the almost instant gratification of products and services and we forget that perseverance and patience still goes a long way and that this also translates into our life’s work and worth.

    It may also go to show that sometimes there are things that we can let go of and follow whatever new passion we have. If you could think of yourself 20 years from now looking back to today, do you think that you would say to yourself, “I’m glad I let go of that project to follow my passion elsewhere, look at what I achieved because of it”. We have to make these decisions knowing that we’re going to go into our next chapter with even more commitment to the dream than the one we’ve left behind.

    If this is nowhere whatsoever related to your piece on why you started this blog, at least let it be a reminder that those still reading it care enough to respond to your blog and would like to share their POV on the matter.

    • Fausto, I’m deeply touched by your comment. I didn’t expect such a sincere response to this, considering that I sort of felt like I was just screaming into the void, which can often be how we feel today when we don’t get any sort of feedback on the content we spend time and effort producing.

      I’m not even sure what to say other than this though, other than thank you. Thank you for interacting and thank you for your support. In times like these (I’ve had some big changes in my personal life deeply affecting me), it really helps to know that even a virtual stranger can reach out and affect someone so positively. I want to pass it on to the next person and just know that you made that happen.

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